Precocious

Precocious next to me

One would never notice nor see.

The way his voice commands the sea,   She bends and beckons wait for me.

Two lives lived, entwined yet unrefined. With ruffled feathers he hails unwavering 'this siren's mine.'

But why with her being tattered and torn, should the captain declare her no longer forlorn?

With each passing day, she hears her name. She succors his call no longer ashamed. As he extends his opened hand to her, a kiss is all she desires to concur. So she leans her head towards those massive hands, and with pressure of her lips she releases the bands. Stripped of fear no longer adheres, to the truth that binds them together.

Precocious' she thought no longer more. In fact she laughs more and more.  Of the man whose eyes she forever adores.

September 12, 2015 @ 1:39pm. 

Live via Banja Luka

You and I spoke today via FaceTime. Something about being away for quite some time and miles and miles apart that when you see each other in the camera tears just automatically form. 

I miss you Anna. I cannot even describe it after all this time. And to see you and monkey playing with each other made me smile. You showed me the background of Banja Luka and gave me a glimpse of where Tata lived as a little toddler. I'm awestruck by the huge city in the background. What an amazing adventure. I'm very happy with the way I've raised you. I'm not sure kids your age would travel with their grandma much less to a distant land far far away.

I hope you take a lot of pictures. If not, I hope your memory serves you well as it has for me. I love you so much. Mama.

Missing You

You're in Europe for the summer with Baka and it's the first time we've ever been apart from each other. Ever. Literally.

I didn't think I would cry, I wouldn't allow myself, but as soon as you were out of my sight, the tears just rolled down automatically. And I felt as though someone ripped my heart out of my soul without permission. This feeling, this longing for you is arcane. Almost indescribable, you have to feel it to completely understand it. I can't say I've ever felt this way towards any other person.

We talked today. You called me as I was taking my lunch break downtown. I could hear it in your voice. Joy, love, happiness, excitement. You spoke the words I longed to hear. "I miss you mom. I really really do! And I wish you were here. You would love it living here. I just know it. Do you know why? Because everyone here has kaffe here every s I n g l e day." As a side note you said the friends there told you if you lived there you would HAVE to have kaffe every single day without fail. You said to me "mama, you would love it. They have kaffe and talk just like you! By the way, where are you?" I said "I'm at Nostalgia, sitting outside, having kaffe and talking to you." Your reply: "see! I told you! I knew it!" I smiled so hard i cried. You really pay attention, don't you.

Baka took you all over the city and towns nearby. I could hear you growing and learning. "This place is so full of history" you said. You sounded overwhelmed and grown up just a tad bit as you spoke over the phone. Today, my heart is full. And overjoyed. It was the best lunch hour I've ever had in my life.

Sheets hanging outside...

This is definitely a cherished moment to be hanging my sheets outside in the backyard. I'm almost tempted to put in a clothesline. Seriously! The smell of fresh sheets dried from the heat of the sun. And the laundry detergent smell of gain. Ohhh.... I'm easily entertained.

Aside from that, I thought I'd mention that just this past trip to Hawaii made the first time Anna heard, seen, used a clothesline. Pins and all. My how time has changed. 

First dinner in Spring. (In the patio)

Pasta! Pasta! Ode to Pasta!

Long and thin like your legs

Al dente pashghetti.

Drizzled olive oil with garlic

The epitome of your soul.

Yes-Light. Green. Pressed. With garlic sizzling.

What an aroma to your corazon.

Add red roma tomatoes. Jubilee!

Throw in some fresh basil why not. And a dash of chipotle! Sprinkle parmessan! Bellisimo!

Ode to mi pasta!

It was our first dinner out back for this year. Spring sure does a number on the soul. Sun setting beautifully over the Oquirrh mountains. A ball game to watch with cheers of excitement bellowing in the background.

Yet nothing could make me more happier than your company. The way you tackle that pasta. Your laughter. The way your dimples flare all over your face. Red sauce gather on the sides of your smile. Feeling the warmth of the sun glistening like a thousand massaging fingers on my skin pressing up on tiny dew drops to pamper me.

Priceless.

Fin.

A Dream With Grandma Anna

Last night I dreamt I was returning.

And my heart called out to you.

But I fear you won't be like I left you.

Me kealoha ku'u home o Kahalu'u.

-Olomana

I woke up from a dream I did not want to end. It was a brief phone conversation with my Grandmother Anna Fanene Leota.

I'm not sure why I called her or thought of calling her, but this is what took place. It's very brief, but time is completely irrelevant in dreams. Only in words when we describe the dream do we find time stretching. Yet makes every feeling very real and precious everlasting.

Me: hello grandma. They're in my house. 

Why?! I didn't invite them, she just let them in.

Grandma: Oe. Tsk tsk tsk.... Kalofae.

(A woman in the group whispers saying it's beautiful, she wonders what the rest of the house looks like)

Me: grandma, they are being so nosy now they're going into the rooms. I have to stop them. 

Before I could get in front of them they were in the two rooms. Wows and aahs were followed in amazement. 

With my phone still to my ear, I said to the crowd, "you will all, will you please exit out and kindly leave. I did not give you permission and before you pass judgment let me say I did not allow you to see my rooms. You have no idea what or why I have done what I have done to each room. Please, leave. Don't make any assumptions because you really don't know or can't begin to know why things are the way they are. Close that door. No it is not a room for a child. He does not exist and not by choice. Please leave. It's something of the past but I could not have. Now please, leave you're starting to aggravate me.

Me: grandma, I'm so sorry you have to hear me like this. Listen, I'll let you go, but I apologize and it was sweet I wish I had more time to talk with you. I'll talk with you again later ok?

Grandma: no.

I laughed. Did you say no? 

Grandma: yes.

Again I laughed. 

Me: I love you grandma.

Grandma: They seem to like what you've done to the house. Let them go with their oohs and aahs. Tell me more Nancy.

Me: grandma? It's been a while hasn't it. 

The dream was of my neighbor Dawn letting a group of elderly people see into my house. She is quite boisterous at times. Often cunning but I'm not sure she either knows it nor cares. To me, it's not a good combination. I think.

But my grandmother seemed to give me the same assurance that I had of my work. It was my little masterpiece. No one could see unless they came inside. Like a plain box on the outside, with a treasure once seen inside. 

I just remembered laughing as she said No. That she'd rather stay on the line and hear me. And I in turn enjoyed the idea that she wanted to stay--- with me. It meant everything, I guess.

Easter Sunday- He is Risen

Salvation cannot be bought with the currency of obedience. It is purchased by the blood of the son of God. - Dieter F Utchdorf. General Conference Spring 2015.

I woke up this morning and realized it was my most favorite Sunday of the year. Easter Sunday. It always brings hope, colors, light, kindness. A benevolent sense of wonder to all of God's creations. An image of Jesus Christ our Savior and the Mary Magdalene on the morning when she saw Christ resurrected for the first time.

I'm always in awe as I wonder why did he visit her first? Whom would I have visited? I wonder if she felt so insignificant and then suddenly of genuine impalpable worth? 

I also think of the woman who washed his feet with her tears and then with expensive oils. I think of the meek and lowly in heart. 

I cannot say I feel this way everyday, but it does every Easter Sunday. 

Watching general conference, the words of one of the speakers were that of never giving up in rediscovering, renewing, and setting forth goals to which we strengthen our belief that Jesus is the Christ. Often times we just believe. And this belief becomes lessened or of little priority in our daily lives. But he encouraged us to renew our beliefs and like renew our goals to know Him once again. To question his very existence when we fall short of knowing Him. I liked that. And will strive to look with vigor each time I find myself in more of a secular mode. I wish you a very Happy Easter Anna. You're growing up and your mind seem more fixed on your iPod. And less on your soul. Perhaps it is part of life.  But when you find yourself in doubt or despair, I hope you can remember how much God loves you. Try to recall how much as a little girl, your spirit was in both worlds. Be happy. Choose happiness above all and you'll never be alone.

Cupcake Wars

You love to talk while watching movies. It's a Robin Williams movie marathon. You love him so much.

We made Nutella Salted Chocolate Cupcakes. Had a bit of a cupcake war. There's 2 things I utterly enjoy. You. And cooking. I'm not the best teacher but I just don't enjoy it unless I have you. It's true. I love you!

Eleven

My Girl. My Earth Wind and Fire- Reasons. My strength. She took this of herself and I absolutely adore her. This is how I see her every single day. A smile in the morning as she walks into my room to give me a big hug and kiss as she "swings around her blousey" each day.

I see you

Curly hair, soft smile, dimples that pop out all over your face the harder you smile.

I see you 

Rolling into a back bend, grabbing your feet from behind. Practicing everyday.

I love you 

For the young little lady you're transforming into.

I love you

For being your best everyday and never compromising your integrity.

reflecting....

Hello Ani,

We are in the month of August and your birthday is just 2 weeks away from tomorrow. Wow my love! You are growing up to be such a fine young lady only a mother such as myself can only be proud. You should be proud of yourself, Anna.

The Summer Olympics this year is held in London, England. We are watching it while we exercise and I must say, it's pretty fun. hahaha... you prefer to watch all the gymnastics. Especially the U.S. girls team which they call the "Fab Five". Our country took gold in the womens team gymnastics. It was so awesome to watch as they blew away the Russians, Romania, China, and Japan. I think it was Japan. Maybe not. But I especially enjoyed watching you get all excited and doing cartwheels and hand stands. We watched the swimmers. Our favorite Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte swept the gold in the men's freestyle relay and 50m butterfly. I think you would make an excellent swimmer. You have the legs for sure. :) I love watching the women's beach volleyball. Misty May and Kerri Walsh are awesome veterans to the game. I think that's why I love them so much. They aren't the youngins yet they bring home the gold baby. I think it has a lot to do with the way they play as a team. They said in an interview that after the last summer olympics in China, they decided to take an indefinite break/retirement. They both game married to their loved ones. Kerri had 2 kids during that time. And then called up misty to ask if she was in. Misty said no. She was done. So Kerri signed up 4th side nicole and started working up to the olympics. Misty gave Kerri a call and said they had to talk. She told Kerri that she woke up in tears and asked who does that? She realized them that she wasn't done and had some unfinished business to tend to. So Kerri called up Nicole and said "I'm so sorry, I'm about to break your heart..." And the duo got back and is in the London Olympics going for the gold once again. Ani, age plays a big huge factor, however, it goes to show, it is not the MAIN factor in winning and breaking records/goals/dreams. These women are phenomenal! not to mention inspirational.

This past week, you had your swimming and karate. You and I exercised and played out back way into the nights. We talked about everything and anything. Your pet Sugar (shug) guinea pig...Anna, I don't know who loves whom more. You clean her pen all the time, and put her in the little tin pail you got for Easter. And she watches you as you clean her pen and the floor. And she doesn't run out, because you don't know this, but she's bigger then the darn pail you use. It cracks me up with laughter everytime I see her in there waiting for you to hold her and or set her back in her little cage. It's so cute, the two of you. I love when you 2 play the staring game. Last time you won. hahaha! you had to the see your excitement. "I won! Shug, I saw you blink! I beat you baby!" It was so cute because Shug will stare at you to no end! All I can think of is how she is an animal and you are well... human! ha! It's hillarious.

Well, last but not least. This picture of you and I was taken this year. I love it! i hope you do too. You are such a beautiful sight to adore. I love you to infiniti and beyond.

Love, Mama

Lessons Learned

Hello Beautiful,

Remember when you broke your toe and had to wear that shoe for 4 weeks? You wore it religiously! hahaha These pictures are from one of our summer late nights out in the back yard. I don't think I could tell you enough stories that night. You seem to love all the stories of when I was in my youth. And you ask me to tell you about Papa. And your great grandmother Anna Leota. That night was so much fun. I'm so glad I took these pictures of you.

Well, looks like you're going to have a birthday coming up next month. Holycow you'll be 9 years old. I look at you everyday and think to myself how life is absolutely wonderful. That you're growing into a beautiful young lady. How pleased I am with you.

Let me tell you what's going on in the world as of right now. Let's see. Mitt Romney is campaigning for the Republicans side. President Obama is our current U.S. President, a Democrat nonetheless. Looks like they're going neck to neck with their political slurs. Just the other day, I heard Grandma Pola making a comment on how she never thought she would feel so much animosity towards a Mormon politician. Let alone, feel so much opposition towards an elected official in government that also represents the church. Well, I just had to laugh. I thought with Grandma, the church came first, and then our leaders, muchless our country. I guess the wheels are turnin' my love. The heirarchy seems to go like this in this day and age: Country, God, Family.... and so and so forth. Wow. The good part about it is that those three tend to change on a daily basis. I was very surprised to hear that Grandma's loyalty lies with Hawaii. We are democrats true and true. I asked her who she was going to vote for come election time. Ani, my parents have always been very proud democrats ever since I could remember. As a child, we used to campaign for Mayor Frank Fasi. Those yellow shaka signs with Frank Fasi's face on it. Wow, those were the days. Parking out on Kamehameha Hwy early in the morning and hauling out the signs. As much as I didn't like it back then, you know, somehow, it's given me a sense of respect for my parents and their devotion to the democratic party. So back to me asking Grandma who she was going to vote for. Obama (our Democrat Pres.) or Mitt Romney (Republic, yet Mormon) Grandma looked at me with a dumbfounded look. I thought for a split second that perhaps she didn't hear me right. Her reply was a brief one. "Obama, Nancy. No one can fight for the poor like a democrat". I thought, how profound of my mother. Putting aside all our church beliefs, everything we grew up knowing. This was the first time I've ever heard a clear concise separation of church and state. And it came from none other, the woman I adore. Yet never did I ever think would say. My dear mother. I have added respect and adoration for her, Ani. There's a definite reason why we are to listen to our parents, Ani.

Love, Mama

CHARACTER

CHARACTER

Dictionary.com defines "character" as the moral or ethical quality; qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity. A reputation. The aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.

In other words, or as I have always believed it to be, CHARACTER, is simply the way you are, or behave, or act, when no one else is around or looking at  you. This I know to be true and hold with such high esteem my love.

With this said, Anna, I want to tell you something I witnessed this week. Something so profound. Extremely extraordinary. And yet...so YOU.

Just the other day, I welcomed you to exercise along side of me. I was biking for an hour and as usual, I would jump on the tread afterwards and do an hour there. This time, I thought it would be good if we both exercised while watching a movie. (A big Miracle)So you put on your shoes and jumped on the tread next to me. We had 9 minutes left and you stopped the tread. I looked over to you and you said that you weren't done, that you were just going for a glass of water and would be right back to finish up. I didn't think much of it. Afterall, everyone gets thirsty right? I also prompted you to feed your guinea pig Shug. So that took some time out as well. So when you got back on the tread, I saw you turn on the phone to look at the timer, and started counting on your fingers. I was puzzled. I mean, what could you possibly be counting your fingers for? At that moment, my love.... it dawned on me. My timer went off and I quit my bike. However, you, my love, continued to tread for the minutes you lost while you got your water and fed Shug. 7 minutes more. Without complaint. Without ever asking to quit. Not even an inkling of doubt in your mind and soul. When I say to "finish what you start" you went above and beyond to know better that no matter if people are looking or not. You, yourself, is what matters, TO ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, BUT YOURSELF. Integrity. Courage. Honesty. Discipline. Trust. Character. How many people do you think have quality hearts such as yourself? A few my love. The number is miniscule, my love. That's what sets you apart from the world. That is a rare trait only a few possess. I see you my love. When you aren't aware of it, I see you. And let me tell you. I like what I see. Be happy my love. Remember.... LEMONADE! (wink! wink! a story shared by only you and I)

Now, aside from your character. Please allow me to delve even further on the topic at hand. Because it comes with great importance within me. 

Often times, if you would allow yourself to wonder. How do you suppose people are, or act, the way they do when they are alone. Do you suppose they are the same when they are amongst others? Chances are, I'm betting, most people aren't the same in privacy. People today, rely so much on what others think of themselves that they pretend to be something more or act a different way, or even manipulate others to believe or act in a way society deems necessary. Often times, I'm guessing when they look in the mirror, they aren't happy with themselves as when they are in the public eye. They can't stand to be alone in their own skin. And many times, they think of themselves, and end up hurting people in the process. A simple truth, word to the wise. Be true to yourself. Only then can you emulate the best in others. Only then will you be free and begin to live. My love, you are definitely on your way.

Summer 2012

Ani,

Hello my love! It's another hot summer! We have so much going on this summer. Just to recap, 4th of July was wonderful. We ended up going to Sugar House to watch the fireworks with Melinda and her family. You seemed to have so much fun walking around with the twins and coming back all soaked and wet from the water slide they had in the park. Then we laid down on the blanket and watched the fireworks. You said it was MAGICAL. Indeed it was. I'm glad for all the places we travel to and you make such an awesome traveling companian by the way.

You love your karate classes. What I want to know is how you can manage to look so darn good even when you're sweating?! You also have swimming lessons. I love that a lot because we get to ride our bikes to the pool and back. That's a lot of fun to ride bikes.

This weekend we went to Las Vegas, to attend our Aunty Moana's funeral. I thought it was so touching of you to cry towards the end. I asked why you were crying and you said "because I wanted to go to the cemetary to say goodbye to Aunty Moana and have a few words with her". Anna, I cannot tell you how special you are. You didn't know her and she met you only once when you were just a little baby. But for you to cry and say something like that is very heartfelt and makes me so proud to know how intuned you are with those that have gone on to the other side.

Your favorite color this year is Green and mine is the same as the last 2 years: Gold.

You're a straight A student.

Your favorite toy is your neon green monkey from the Hogle Zoo.

Proudest moment so far this week is when we were in Vegas. You always asked if you should be helping grandma get around. You always went back to get her. Without being told. Anna, my hat goes off to you. Thank you for being such a caring, loving daughter whose heart is pure. Thank you Ani.

You cried on the last day of school this year. You said your 3 BFF's were being broken down to 2 of you. One was going to move back to Laie. The other is moving to West Jordan. Looks like it's just you and Ariana, who seems to call you incessantly this summer. You said goodbye too. I think you got tired of everyone leaving you so you decided to say goodbye too. They asked where you were going and you said you weren't sure but Mama says that if I keep asking for so many things, she won't be able to pay the mortgage and we'll have to sell the house and leave. HAHAHA! I laughed so hard within myself. Teach me to use that as an excuse.

I can't wait for next month! It's your birthday month and I already bought you your present. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! :) I love you Anna.

Love, Mama

Ani,

Happy 4th of July! Tetka, you and I went hiking up Big Cottonwood Canyon...IN SLIPPERS! I simply cannot believe the things your Tetka makes us do! Let alone all the rules we manage to break in just a FEW HOURS! This my dear, puts you out of your comfort zone every single time and I try so hard to shield you from her. But if you only knew half the things your Tetka has made me do, oh heavens.... I should stop right now. Let me just say, life without Tetka, would be absolutely BORING.

We went off the beaten path, as you warned we should not. Curiosity gets Tetka and well, that usually spells trouble most times. And it did, sort of.... we saw a huge ANACONDA of a rattlesnake hidden high within the walls of a rock cliff. When Tetka saw it, she told us not to move because there was a snake near us. I couldn't see it but my instincts were to grab your shirt and pull you out of danger. As much as Tetka told us not to move, it was hillarious! WE MOVED ALRIGHT....I'm not even sure ANYTHING could've stopped us! It was like 2 wild hyenas running through the mountains screaming profanities in every direction! All I could remember was grabbing the front of your shirt and pulling you infront of me. You didn't seem to move fast enough so I grabbed you as if to carry you. And you clung on like a baby monkey does to her MAMA! It was hillarious now that I think about it. I think all the animals in the forest heard our voices!

Again, I love you Anna. SO SOOOO MUCH! How can you make my life so complete?!

BTW, you said this picture of me was your favorite. YOU'RE MY FAVORITE. :)

Zbog Tebe, Ani

I can just look at you and everything comes alive. Everything in this world may come to an end and I couldn't care one bit because I had you in it. I simply cannot believe there is anything finer than you. Funny as you may think, those button eyes your Tata and I have conjured up, why there is none finer in this world. Believe that Ani.

We ran your first 5K and let me tell ya. You did absolutely WONDERFUL. I believe there was a lesson learned that day. As tired as you were, we kept pushing through it. Your face turned beet red, sweat came pouring down your face. Doubt clouded your thoughts, yet you trusted me. You tried so hard to beat this 80 year old man. It was hillarious Anna. It was like watching the Hare and the Tortoise! And towards the end, you were so close and yet so far away from the finish line. I asked you what you wanted and you said the words I did not want to hear. "I can't do it mama". I asked you again, "what is it that you want, Ani" and you replied somberly "will you beat him?" and I said "let this be a lesson for you..." I will show you Ani that you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it. I will beat this man for you and in turn I NEVER want to hear you say that you "can't" ever again. Your father and I did not call upon the heavens to make such a beautiful mind only to go to waste. No Ani. You have the best, THE BEST of both of us in you and there is NO OTHER. I went ahead of you to beat that man, and was there at the finish line to see you coming in and give you the biggest hug! Congratulations my love! What an accomplishment. You even had some of your classmates running and we passed them. You should be proud of yourself. Ani, if there's anything more impressive, it's the confidence that carries you through life. That my love, is something that cannot be hidden, no matter how hard you try. Continue to do well. Run like the wind. Life is too short. Take advantage of all that life has to offer you. Don't hurt people in the process, live, love and toil with a will... because it all can end in a heartbeat. And all that's left..... is the kind of person you left behind. Make your mark Ani. I have a feeling peoples lives will CHANGE once they've met you....

Love,

Mama

Ani, La Luna!

Anna, La Luna!

Ululare alla Luna, Bella!
Lasciate che la luna stasera sentire la tua voce.
Ballare, cantare, toccare la sua tonalita di giallo!

Lui afferrare da sue orecchie e sussurrare paroline dolci
Gli permettono di arrossire dai tuoi baci appassionati.
Ma non chiudete gli occhi, Bella!

Ascoltare la bella luna.
Egli brilla alla perfezione questa sera per me.
Nemmeno le stelle possono brillare piu luminoso
Per il suo destino che ci unisce.

Allo Ani,

Tonight there was a lunar eclipse. We weren't able to see it on the American continent. I believe it was Africa that could view the entire eclipse, and what a sight it must've been. I like to imagine sitting ontop one of those ancient pyramids in Giza, or on the shores of Seychelles....

The moon tonight is big and bold and beautiful. You are asleep. Tomorrow is your play at school. You are so excited to perform infront of the entire school and parents. I can hardly wait to see you too my love. The poem above is in Italian. I thought of you as I wrote it. Enjoy my love!

Amore,

tua Madre

Garden Walls

The lights within Jerusalem are gone
But there is One who will not sleep at all
He will call upon the powers of Heaven
Deep within a garden's walls

A voice breaks through the silence in the night
And branches shake to hear a grown man cry
Oh, He cries and feels the sting of death inside
But He won't ask why

Through the years and 'cross the deep blue sea
(comes this mystery)
Why would the King of Heaven and earth
Bow down to free me?

Footsteps in the sand are drawing nigh
And Raging voices echo in the sky
Angry eyes can't see that the man they send to die
Offers life

Through the years and 'cross the deep blue sea
(comes this mystery)
Why would the King of Heaven and earth
Bow down to free me?
Two thousand years and 'cross the deep blue sea
(wondrous mystery)
The King of All Creation came to free me (free me)

The lights within the city now are gone
But there is one who cannot sleep at all
I will answer to the voice that ever calls
From those garden walls

Hello there my love,

This song is sung by Mindy Gledhill. You may not remember, but the first time we heard this song was in the parking lot of good ol' Wallyworld. But it struck me like no other. The scriptures teach us that God so loved the world, that He sent his only Begotten Son. That was our Savior Jesus Christ, Ani. For some reason, I've often been drawn to wonder about what took place within those garden walls. I imagine it must've been dark, with the faintest light of the moon to cast a glimpse of some peonies hiding in attendance. Perhaps such beauty might've given Him a brief moment of peace before He took upon the sins of the world. Yours and mine.

Ani, are you happy? This evening we sat out in the backyard and played a game Hedbanz. We had to guess who we were from the cards we placed on our foreheads! It was pretty funny, let me tell ya. You said it was the best part of the day and I agree. I love you Anna. I wish all the happiness in the world for you. I'm so happy and proud of you. You asked me for a favor a few days ago. You said "Mama, will you obey Grandma, your mother?" Startled as I was, I replied "yes, Anna. I will obey my mother". And you said with a voice so fragile and sincere "because I want you to live a long long time with me". Ani, I asked you the same, to listen to me. And you said you will. I also, want you to live a LONG LONG VERY LONG LIFE. Full with utmost joy and happiness. Choose happiness Anna. Love freely. Be kind to yourself and others. And give thanks every chance you get. Oh, and one more thing....don't forget to dance in the rain! :D

Love you,

Mama

Me, your Mama May 2011

Thank You for my lei on Mother's Day

Quality Heart You Are

mama May 2011

Hello My Love,

The past 6 months has not been easy for either of us. Moreso, YOU. I'm not even sure what to say exactly except that "we're still here". My cup runneth over with you, Ani. I'll have you know that each day that passes by, I thank God for you. I wish I had a poem for you but somehow I'm all out of words. Amazing huh? I'm just kidding. I want you to know something else. So listen up. I, your mother, come from a very strong background of very strong women. That's right! Very strong women. And if you ever find yourself falling short of strength, you look deep into me. Yes, that woman in the picture above. And know that I am giving you all the strength within me and passing it on to you. Each time you come looking for answers, look to me, and then look within yourself. Because I'll tell you a little secret. Your very name carries unbelievable, unimaginable strength and power, it's INCREDIBLE. Don't you ever allow yourself to think otherwise. Don't do it Anna. You must believe me, because I would never lead you astray. Others may, but I am your mother. Like I've told you many times, God would never give me you unless He knew I was strong enough to teach you valuable lessons to last your entire lifetime and beyond! So listen carefully.... because there will come many o times in your life where you think you can't do things. Or people may say hurtful things like "so what makes you think you're so special" or "you can't do this, or you can't do that" YADDA YADDA SCHMADDA... Ani, you can take all that ho hum and toss it up in the air for the wind to grab hold of and let it go. Say goodbye to it. And then you look within you, because that's where I'll always be. And all of my sisters, your aunties, and grandma Pola, and your greatgrandma Anna (yes, the very one Uncle James, and all the towns people remembers and speak so highly of even after death), geez Anna, you need to know the strength and power you possess. Don't go looking for it in far away places, just stop and feel your heart beating. That's all of us who LOVE you. All the power we possess lives and thrives within you. On the full moon of each Chinese calendar month, all our beautiful ancestors love and wisdom is renewed within you. Recharge yourself my love. Embrace your ancestors. Give thanks and acknowledge them. And then know that as long as you think of them, of me, we give EVERYTHING to you. Ani, some things in life, cannot be taught. Must be born that way. Some people go for the finer things in life, stepping over others just to obtain those things. You on the other hand, you're cautious. You see Le'a going on the road, and you see a car approaching, you run out and stop her. Because you have quality heart. Must be born that way. I see you Ani. Because you are mine. You know what "Character" is? Character is what you do when nobody is watching. I see you all the time when you aren't aware of it. And I must say I am very pleased at what I see. Nobody can teach this. You have quality heart. Must be born that way.

So if you find yourself in a jam. Or low on life. Cry if you must. But don't take too long. Always remember to ask yourself "who's crying for you?" most times, you'll see no one is. So take a few minutes to cry. Cry hard if you must. But when you're done, wipe those tears, let me help you too. And hear me as I say it now. "Life is way too short to be spent on crying". Dust yourself off, envision mine and all your aunties, grandmas, and great great greats on ALLL sides surrounding you with all our love and wisdom. Nothing can hurt you Ani. Then get your ass out there and do something good for someone. anyone. a stranger, a cousin, WHATEVER IT MAY BE, JUST LOSE YOURSELF IN THE SERVICE OF SOMEONE ELSE. And I promise you, your problems will become miniscule. I promise you. Listen to me Ani. I would never lead you astray. I am yours, you are mine. We are one.

So with that. BE HAPPY. Choose HAPPINESS. Love openly. Choose wisely. Remember the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Fight with all your might for what is good in your heart. Stand true to yourself. Don't ever be afraid to be alone, especially when you know what's right in your heart. I have never been afraid to stand alone. You should never feel that way as well. If you ever get to know me Ani, (and I'm sure you do) you'd know I've never let anyone provoke or convince me to do anything. When people told me not to do something and yet I felt deeply for that person or thing, Ani..... wild horses couldn't stop me. I just wouldn't let them. It just wasn't worth it. And I have no regrets. Not say I haven't had my share of troubles or grief nor pain. I have. and you will too. As long as you stay true to yourself, don't worry about the rest. In due time.....what goes around......has a way of coming full circle.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE BEST TIME OF THE DAY???? you got it girl..... right now. You're sleeping on the side of me. Snoring away.... well, snore all you want. I don't mind. I don't mind at all. :D

Be good my love. Alofa,

Mama

Kim Chee You & Me

Kim Chee grinds!

So sublime.

Cucumbers, bok Choy, chop sticks

Oy!

Sweet, tangy, chili pepper hot

Makes my mouth go Ha! ha! HOT!